When Rest Is Part of the Work

2 hours ago

8 min read

Rethinking rest, capacity, and what it means to care for ourselves

When we talk about rest, we usually mean sleep. Maybe taking a day off. Canceling plans. Lying on the couch. Going on vacation if we have the time and resources.

And yes, those things can be restful.

But sometimes we sleep and still wake up tired. We take the weekend off and don't feel restored. We stop working, but our minds are still running through everything that needs our attention. Not all exhaustion is physical, and not all rest looks the same.

Rest can be part of the work. Not something we have to earn after everything else is finished. Not a reward for getting enough done. And not something we do just so we can be more productive tomorrow.

Sometimes we just need rest.

When We Keep Asking Ourselves to Do More

Recently, I was listening to a conversation about neuroaffirming therapy, and one idea stuck with me: don't process or work harder than your nervous system can safely allow.

I started thinking about how often this comes up in my own life and in conversations with clients. We can know we're tired and still feel like there is something else that needs our attention. One more task. A message that needs a response. A decision we haven't made. A conversation we need to have. Something we're trying to understand or work through.

Even healing can start to feel like another thing we're supposed to keep working at.

There are times when we have the capacity to dig deeper, have the difficult conversation, sit with discomfort, or take on something new. And there are times when adding more isn't particularly helpful.

We might need less stimulation.

Fewer decisions.

Less emotional labor.

Less input.

A break from figuring things out.

That can apply in therapy too. We can slow down. We can spend a session getting grounded instead of digging deeper. We can give ourselves time to sit with what we've already been working through before looking for the next thing to process. A pause doesn't necessarily mean we've stopped doing the work. Sometimes the pause is part of it.

Sometimes We Need Rest Before We Realize We're Tired

Physical exhaustion can be fairly easy to recognize: our bodies feel heavy, we're sleepy. We know we haven't gotten enough rest. Other kinds of depletion can be harder to name. Sometimes the first thing we notice isn't "I'm tired". It might be

I don't want to make one more decision.

Or I cannot answer another message.

I'm more irritable than usual

Having trouble concentrating

Withdrawing from people

Feeling overstimulated

Noticing that something we usually enjoy suddenly feels like another demand.

Those experiences don't always mean we need rest. But they can be an invitation to get curious about our capacity.

What have I been carrying lately? Where has most of my energy been going? What part of me might need some care? Which area of my life needs some ease?

Using the Wellness Wheel to Think About Rest

At TCC, we often use the Wellness Wheel to explore how what's happening in someone's life may be affecting different areas of their wellbeing. We look across eight areas:

physical
emotional
social
intellectual
occupational
spiritual
environmental
financial wellness

One common misconception about the Wellness Wheel is that we're trying to measure how much we're doing in each area. Am I exercising enough? Socializing enough? Saving enough? Doing enough for my spiritual health? That's not really the point.

Instead, we're interested in questions like:

How satisfied am I with this area of my life?
How fulfilled do I feel?
How healthy does this part of my life feel for me right now?

Someone could have a very active social life and still feel deeply dissatisfied with their relationships. Someone else might spend less time socializing and feel completely fulfilled by the connections they have. More isn't necessarily better.

The wheel helps us notice where we feel healthy, satisfied, and fulfilled, as well as where something might need more care or attention. It can also help us see how one part of life is affecting another. Stress at work might affect our sleep and relationships. Financial strain might affect our emotional wellbeing. Changes in physical health might affect our social lives, environment, or sense of meaning.

We also use the Wellness Wheel to plan for whole person self care. Rather than relying on the same one or two strategies every time we're struggling, we can consider what care might look like across the different areas of our lives.

And we can use the wheel to think about rest in exactly the same way.

Because rest is self care.

Instead of simply asking, Do I need more rest? we can get more specific:

Where am I feeling depleted?
What kind of care does that part of my life need?
Could rest be part of that care?

What Could Rest Look Like Across Your Wellness Wheel?

Rest doesn't have to look the same across every part of our lives. Here are a few examples of ways to ease into rest for each dimension of wellness.

Physical wellness: Maybe your body needs sleep, less activity, stretching, nourishment, recovery, or simply a chance to sit down.
Emotional wellness: Maybe you don't need to process everything today. Rest might mean taking a break from being the person everyone comes to, letting a feeling exist without immediately trying to understand it or fix it, or deciding you've done enough emotional work for now.
Social wellness: Maybe you need a night without plans or some time away from spaces where you have to be "on." Or maybe social rest actually means spending time with people around whom you can relax, laugh, and be yourself.
Intellectual wellness: Your brain might need fewer decisions, less information, or a break from problem solving. Close the tabs. Stop researching. Let yourself not figure it out tonight.
Occupational wellness: Rest might mean actually disconnecting from work, taking your full break, letting an email wait until tomorrow, or using time off without filling every available hour with another kind of productivity.
Spiritual wellness: Rest might look like quiet, prayer, reflection, meditation, nature, community, or reconnecting with something that gives you a sense of meaning or purpose.
Environmental wellness: Sometimes our surroundings are part of what feels exhausting. Rest might mean lowering the lights, reducing noise, putting down a screen, stepping outside, or spending time somewhere that feels easier on your senses.
Financial wellness: This one can be complicated. Money worries don't disappear because we decide to take a break from them. But if nothing needs to be decided right now, maybe the budget, account balance, calculator, or financial decision can wait until tomorrow.

You might move through that list and realize that the kind of rest you need has very little to do with getting more sleep. And these are just a few examples, talking with a hollistic therapist can help you identify even more!

What Actually Feels Restful to You?

Rest doesn't look the same for everyone.

One person might need quiet. Someone else might need music. One person might want to be completely alone, while someone else finally relaxes when they're around people who feel safe. Movement can feel restorative. So can stillness. Sometimes watching the same comfort show you've seen fifteen times is exactly what your brain wants. This matters when we're thinking from a neuroaffirming perspective too. We don't all experience stimulation, connection, movement, quiet, or sensory input in the same way. Something being labeled "self care" doesn't automatically mean it will feel caring to you.

And we also have to acknowledge that access to rest isn't equal.

Work schedules, caregiving, disability, finances, housing, discrimination, family responsibilities, and the support available to us can all affect how much room we have to step away. Telling someone to "get more rest" isn't particularly useful when the conditions of their life leave very little room for it.

Sometimes there are changes we can make ourselves. Other times, what needs to change is the workload, environment, expectations, resources, or support around us.

Burnout and overwhelm can happen when what our environment is asking of us repeatedly exceeds the capacity and bandwidth we have available. In those situations, another self care strategy may help us get through the day, but it may not address what is actually creating the strain.

Creating the conditions for rest isn't always an individual problem to solve.

Rest Doesn't Have to Make You More Productive

We often make a case for rest by talking about what it will help us accomplish afterward.

Rest so you can focus better. Take a break so you'll be more productive. Get enough sleep so you'll perform better tomorrow. But does rest always have to lead to more work?

You don't need to optimize your rest. You don't need a perfect nighttime routine. You don't have to turn recovery into another area of your life you're trying to get right.

Sometimes you can rest because you're tired.

You can play because it's fun.

You can spend time with people because you enjoy them.

You can stop thinking about something because you've thought about it enough for today.

There are times to work, process, stretch ourselves, care for people, create things, have hard conversations, and make changes. There are also times to pause, recover, receive care, play, and simply be. Rest is not separate from the work. Sometimes, rest is part of the work.

Reflect: What Kind of Rest Do You Need?

If you've been feeling tired, overwhelmed, stretched thin, or simply not quite like yourself lately, you don't necessarily have to start by figuring out how to fix it.

You might start by noticing.

Take a look at the Wellness Wheel and consider where your energy has been going lately.

Where do I currently feel healthy, satisfied, or fulfilled?
Which areas of my life have been asking the most of me?
Where do I feel depleted, overloaded, or like I'm constantly "on"?
What actually leaves me feeling restored rather than simply distracted?
Is there something I'm pushing myself to solve, process, or finish that could wait?
Where is rest fairly accessible to me right now? Where is it harder to access?
Is there something I can change, or do I need more support or a change in the conditions around me?

You don't have to turn these questions into another self care assignment. You don't need to create an eight category rest plan by the end of the day.

Maybe choose one area that seems to be asking for your attention.

Then ask:

What kind of rest might this part of me need?

What would help make a little more room for it?

A Community Commitment to Rest

What if we also made a little more room for rest together?

For the next week, choose one small way you want to practice intentional rest.

It doesn't have to be impressive or even visible to anyone else. Maybe you take your full lunch break. Leave one message unanswered until tomorrow. Spend an evening without plans. Ask someone for help. Put your phone down earlier. Sit outside for ten minutes. Let yourself enjoy something without making it useful.

Or maybe your commitment is simply to notice when you've reached your capacity and give yourself permission to respond to that information.

If you're doing this with us, consider sharing your commitment with someone in your community and inviting them to make one too.

Rest is self care. And care is something we can practice individually, relationally, and together.

Wishing us all continued wellness.