How to Go Beyond Coping Skills and Address the Root of Anxiety

When most of us feel anxious, we’re told to breathe, take a walk, or use coping skills to get through the moment. These tools can help calm the nervous system, but often they don’t go deep enough. Anxiety is more than just a surface-level reaction, it’s often connected to internalized fears, past traumatic experiences, or generational and systemic stressors that live in our bodies and nervous systems. If we only focus on calming down without asking what’s underneath, we miss an opportunity for deeper healing. By integrating practices like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and somatic awareness, we can begin to understand anxiety as a part of us that’s often working to protect us. Meeting this part with compassion instead of resistance allows us to shift from simply coping to creating real, lasting change.

Why Coping Skills Alone Aren’t Enough

Coping skills regulate symptoms in the moment, but anxiety often returns because its roots haven’t been explored. Many anxious patterns come from:

• Early life experiences where safety was uncertain

• Internalized messages of not being good enough, or fear of making mistakes

• Generational trauma and systemic oppression that teach us to stay hypervigilant

  
  

Understanding these deeper sources can transform how we relate to anxiety. Instead of a constant battle, we can see it as communication from within. Nervous system regulation is an important first step. We can’t do deep healing work if we’re completely dysregulated. But once we feel a little grounded, we can gently invite curiosity toward the anxious part itself. This is where IFS offers a powerful framework: every part has a role, and anxiety is often trying to protect us from pain, rejection, or failure. Rather than shutting it down, or avoiding, we can begin to listen.

Action Steps to Get to the Root of Anxiety

Here are practices to gently explore the roots of your anxiety and begin creating new, calmer patterns of being:

1. Pause and Notice

When anxiety rises, pause and name it: “This is the anxiety” Take one slow breath and notice where you feel it in your body. Instead of turning away, give yourself permission to stay present with it for just a moment.

2. Get Curious About the Root

Ask your anxiety part: “What are you protecting me from?” or “When did you first start carrying this?” Sit quietly with whatever arises: an image, a memory, or a sensation. You don’t need to force answers, just start notice what comes up with gentle curiosity. This is a habit that may take repetition to solidify.

3. Release the Illusion of Control

Many anxious patterns come from trying to control what cannot be controlled. Write down or say aloud: “This is within my control” and “This is outside my control.”  Symbolically, use your physical body to embody the act of letting go. You might unclench your fists, drop your shoulders, or gently shake your body as a way to let it go.

4. Create New Grounded Patterns

When anxious spirals start, gently reframe by telling yourself: “I can take one step at a time” or “I don’t have to solve everything right now.” You can also ground yourself physically by pressing your feet into the floor, feel the support beneath you, or place a hand over your heart to remind yourself you are here, safe, and supported. Grounding allows you to go inward without the distraction of a dysregulated body and a disoriented mind. It can also help you identify what type of thinking habits contribute to your anxiety so you can directly begin to change or reframe those thoughts.

5. Build Compassionate Connection

Imagine inviting support from ancestors, cultural leaders, spiritual guides, or trusted community members, drawing strength from their presence and wisdom. Sometimes even picturing their supportive energy standing with you can help shift the sense of isolation anxiety creates.Maybe you image yourself supporting a younger version of yourself, a version you've connected to the feeling of the anxiety. Remember, the intention of compassion is kind understanding. Practice meeting your anxious self in this way.

6. Practice Tolerating and Accepting

Instead of fighting anxiety, allow it to be present while grounding yourself in your breath or body. You might repeat quietly: “This feeling is here, but it will pass.” Each time you accept anxiety without judgment, you build resilience and lessen its hold, creating more space for calm and clarity. Alot of managing anxiety is learning to tolerate its presence, knowing that it can exist without needing to do anything about it. Mindfulness strategies can also help with this skill.

Working With Anxiety in Therapy

Therapy can be a powerful space to explore these practices more deeply. In sessions, a therapist might guide you to identify the ways anxiety manifests in your life, uncover past experiences that influence your patterns, and experiment with a variety of techniques to release tension safely. You can also learn ways to reframe anxious thoughts, practice releasing the need for control, and help you to build skills to tolerate uncertainty all while fostering self compassion. Over time, these sessions help you internalize new patterns of thinking, feeling, and relating to yourself.

It isn’t about making your anxiety completely disappear. Its about learning to understand and relate to it differently. By going beyond coping skills and connecting with the deeper roots, we can move toward more grounded, compassionate, and sustainable healing. If you’d like to experience this in practice, I invite you to explore my guided IFS meditation on anxiety, where we work directly with these parts in a compassionate and curious way.