Grief is rarely straightforward. It doesn’t move in a neat, linear progression but instead shifts and cycles, sometimes catching you off guard. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a version of yourself, or even the weight of global suffering, understanding where you are in your grief can help you meet yourself with more compassion. Keep reading to learn about the different stages of grief. These are helpful to be aware of as you move through transition.
The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may move through them in different orders, revisit certain emotions multiple times, or experience several at once. The goal isn’t to “complete” them all but to recognize them when they arise and support yourself through each one.
Denial: "This isn’t real."
Denial often shows up as shock, numbness, or a sense of emotional detachment. It’s the mind’s way of protecting us from the full weight of loss until we're ready to process it. You might feel like you’re going through the motions, as if life hasn’t actually changed. And to those on the outside, it may also LOOK like like nothing has changed for you.
How to navigate it:
Give yourself time to adjust. There’s no need to rush understanding.
Engage in grounding practices like movement, deep breathing, holding a comforting object, or gently tapping your body to remind yourself you’re present. Be where your feet are.
Talk to someone who can validate your experience without forcing you to face reality before you’re ready.
Be gentle with yourself. Creating a sense of softness around your emotions can help you accept the difficult feelings you may be trying to avoid.
Anger: "Why did this happen?"
Anger is a natural response to grief, even if it doesn’t always seem logical. You might feel anger toward a person you lost, other people adjacent to the loss, the situation, yourself, or even the world. Anger can feel isolating, but it’s an important emotion that signals something deeply meaningful has been disrupted. Honor it. It is powerful. It tells a story. It deserves some space too.
How to navigate it:
Acknowledge your anger as a valid and necessary part of the process.
Move your body. Anger is typically felt as energy in our physical bodies. Don't let it settle, get stuck or stagnate. Go for a walk, stretch, dance, or even scream into a pillow if you need to.
Express your anger in safe ways, like journaling, talking to a trusted person, or channeling it into creative expression.
If your anger gets misdirected, remember this is a human response. Let go of shame, acknowledge it, and take accountability when needed.
Bargaining: "If only I had..."
Bargaining often presents as “what if” and “if only” thoughts. It’s our mind’s attempt to rewrite the past or regain control over an uncontrollable situation. You might find yourself replaying scenarios or wishing you or someone else had done something differently to change the outcome. It’s also how we try to make sense of what happened, an effort to avoid fully accepting our reality. But through this, we are still avoiding our reality. Keep being easy with yourself. Eventually it will be okay.
How to navigate it:
Remind yourself that while regret and guilt may surface, they do not define your journey.
Try to let those go.
Write down the thoughts you keep replaying, then gently remind yourself to be where you physically are.
Find small ways to honor your loss, through rituals, storytelling, or acts of kindness that carry the memory forward.
Practice mindfulness to help create more separation between the present moment and what could have been.
Depression: "This hurts so much, I am so sad."
This stage can bring deep sorrow, fatigue, general confusion, more anger, irritability, or a pull toward isolation. While grief-related sadness is different from depression, it can still feel intense and all consuming. Knowing what to do with these emotions is key to not crashing out.
How to navigate it:
Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without judgment. You don’t need to "cheer up" before you’re ready, and it's okay to experience joys in the midst of your sorrow.
Accept support, even in small ways. Accept a meal, a check-in text, or simply the presence of someone who cares.
Engage in small, manageable self-care actions, like staying hydrated, getting fresh air and sunlight, or engaging in comfort activities. It can be helpful to maintain any routines you have in place, but allow yourself rest and detachment when needed. Balance here is important.
Don’t grieve alone. Sharing your sadness with loved ones or your community can help lighten the weight. People can’t offer support if they don’t know you need it. Community is key.
Acceptance: "This is my reality now."
Acceptance doesn’t mean you are over it, or the grief is gone. It means you’re learning to carry it differently. It’s the stage where you begin to make space for both loss and life, allowing moments of joy to coexist with sorrow.
How to navigate it:
Find meaningful ways to honor your grief, such as traditional ceremonies, storytelling, spiritual practices, or creating something in memory of what you’ve lost.
Allow yourself to move forward while still holding space for your loss. Grief isn’t something you leave behind, but something you integrate into your life.
Reminders that acceptance doesn’t mean the pain is gone or that grief is over. It can be recognizing its weight while creating space for healing and remembrance, allowing yourself to move through it with more ease and maybe even a deeper sense of peace.
A Decolonized Perspective on Grief
For many of us, our grief is further complicated by systemic barriers, like work cultures that don’t allow time for mourning, mental health stigmas in our communities, or generational messages that tell us to suppress emotions rather than express them. Lack of access to culturally responsive support can make it difficult to find spaces where our grief is fully understood. Additionally, the expectation to move on quickly, whether due to financial pressures, politics, or caretaking responsibilities, can leave little room to process loss in a meaningful way. When we aren't given the time or space to mourn in ways that feel natural to us, grief can become something we carry in silence and can lead to mental health challenges like chronic anxiety, depression, emotional numbness, substance abuse or even physical symptoms such as fatigue and body tension. Over time, unprocessed grief can also contribute to difficulties in relationships, trouble concentrating, or a deep sense of disconnection from ourselves and others.
If grief feels heavy, consider shifting toward a collectivist mindset and connection. Many of us have been taught, whether through colonization, systemic oppression, or cultural/societal assimilation, that grief is something to endure privately, to be "strong" rather than expressive, or to push through rather than be held in. But grief was never meant to be carried alone. Across many Indigenous, African, Latin, Asian, and diasporic traditions, mourning has historically been a communal experience, including ceremonies and rituals, storytelling, and acts of remembrance across many days and years, that help us process our loss, and honor both the past and the present.
Decolonizing grief means reclaiming these traditions and creating spaces where mourning is not rushed, hidden, or shamed. It means resisting and reshaping systems that tell us to be productive over being present, allowing ourselves to grieve in ways that feel most authentic, and gathering with those who understand.
Wherever you are in your grief, you are not alone. And your process of healing is valid. I wish you handlings of your grief with care and tenderness.
Sending love to all who are grieving and honoring the life, love, or memory of what you have lost.
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